Happy Wednesday,
I really feel everything happens for a reason. I didn’t understand how to modernize God. I knew love & forgiveness, however I didn’t know how to love or to forgive myself. I didn’t understand a lot because I didn’t realize I had adhd which presents very differently in women. Being on the wrong antidepressant is truly a scary thing. I was afraid to go down on them, for fear what would happen, because I knew what happened when I missed a pill.
At the very end of The Good Place with Kristen Bell, put it all into my perspective. Science and religion can go hand in hand. The first season is on Netflix.
Since I have switched medications, memories are coming back. Which is fine since I know, How to forgive now. They aren't making me angry, they're making me cry.
I was reaching out to tell everyone and anyone what was going on with me as a cry for help. I was crying for help...The people that loved me I thought "They're supposed to say that". Anxiety from the wrong medication crippled my thoughts. Nothing I said would come out right because I have trouble recalling words. I was seeking help from the other person to help me out., and in turn it came off as manipulative, or the stereotype is all that'd come to mind, making me sound racist. Never my intention, ever. I realize it is okay to say, “I can’t think of the word right now”.
It is OK to be ME! I will be forever appreciative to those who didn’t run away and those that did, I forgive. I don't blame anyone! I have had so many obstacles in my life which at first I thought it was because I deserved it. This isn't true, it has has made me into the strong woman I am today. How strong we all are. We are all human beings and just hurting deep down. If something works for one person, that doesn't mean it'll work for everyone. If someone has the same condition and can work, doesn't mean that everyone with that condition can work. Just because one person has a condition and can still hold down a job, doesn’t mean everyone with that condition can hold down a job.What works for one person doesn’t mean it’ll work for everyone.
I have a great sense of humor, being sensitive sure makes me cry easily, but I also laugh very easily! When I would hear people make fun of other people and my behavior came off "that way", I would fear people thought that of me as well. I have chronic conditions, it is okay if people can't accept that. For instance, this has happened to me many times throughout my life: I have to say no, if I have a migraine or can't go somewhere. Then I am never invited again. The message that sent to me? "We just invited you to be nice, but since you won't come, we won't invite me". It felt personal.
I overheard kids calling other kids “slow” my entire life and because I have a slight delay in my brain, which makes me slower...I took it to heart. Getting my genes tested was a great idea and I don't regret doing it, at all. I was under the assumption that if you are born with low serotonin, that’s who you’ll be the rest of your life. This is not true, either. You can slowly build serotonin back up by eating right & exercising,
You never know what a person is hiding, they may not even know what it is that they’re hiding.💗
Jenny
