I’ve been afraid of developing (more) PTSD, because it isn’t necessarily the trauma, but lack of support after the trauma that can be more traumatic. Death is traumatic in nature & my dad’s funeral was so much more traumatic for me than it had to be. I didn’t want to risk any of the emotions getting stuck and mushrooms are really good for releasing stuck emotions. I asked around in the community & the consensus from those who tried was… it can be hard, but if helped set them on a healthier path of grief. So on 02-22-2022 I decided to take a deep dive into my grief with mushrooms.
Since I knew how important mindset & setting are, & I wasn’t in the best mindset, I made sure the setting was perfect. I set the beautiful flowers & plants I received in condolences for my dad all around the bedroom, had our multi colored bulbs turned to red lights, lit a few candles, had my giant rose quartz next to me with my EO diffuser diffusing lavender, a space heater & humidifier making it super cozy & warm, kinderlyte, Kleenex & of course the Bear Russ’ mom made me.
I made a playlist of my dad’s favorite songs that I remembered the most growing up, put one of my dad’s old shirts on, got under my weighted blanket with my bear & let the mushrooms & music guide me.
I was able to process & do some deep grieving. It’d come & go like it will in life. One song I was gleefully swaying back in forth to the music grasping the bear so tightly… the next song I’d still be grasping the bear, but I’d be crying so hard I couldn’t catch my breath. I felt my dad with me the entire time. It was all so incredibly healing. Obviously grief won’t be healed, ever… but I feel it course corrected my grieving. There was never a moment during those tears that I didn’t feel the universe’s love wrapped around me, consoling me. It was beautiful.
Some thoughts I had:
🌟 I have no regrets when it comes to my dad. I knew every interaction could be our last & I treated them as such.
🌟 My dad listened to songs on repeat, (as I do) & he lost both his parents around my age. I realized listening to them…he gave me a manual to grieve & connect with him through his favorite music. So many of his favorite songs were about loss and I had never fully listened to/felt their lyrics
🌟 My mom knows my dad & my souls are rare, I have already felt her soften towards me. I hope she lets me love her now, but I’ll be here as long as it takes. I got her, Dad.
It was beautiful…my own private memorial service. The first hour was the hardest, but once I got that deep soul crying out of the way, it freed up the rest of the night for my heart to connect gleefully with my dad’s spirit...and it did.🍄🌎💞✨
