Greetings.
Please take a second to check out this link: Headaches Vs Migraines this is where the entire blog stems from.
People think because I was an average student and don’t seem very smart that I don’t know how to do research. I have had hormonal migraines since 10 years old and daily headaches since 10 as well. I cannot provide all the links to what I'm about to tell you throughout my research. It's been learned and read throughout years and years of research. I have done more research than people who casually get migraines, or don’t get them at all. Same with chronic pain in general. I do a lot of research on Psychology (also have a Bachelor's in it) and have a giant interest in Neuroscience & Neurobiology and I seek to learn as much as I can, that I can understand.
Like all my health issues that are affecting my life for years and years....I have done research through personal experiences in support groups, articles written by doctors, researchers, theorists. Theories, trials and errors etc.I actually DO know what I’m talking about. I’m a decent researcher and always did excellent on research papers and any kind of paper, really. It's tests and test anxiety I struggled with. In college, that lands you about a "C", which was my average. When I’m passionate about something (and if anything, chronic pain for 20 years sure makes me passionate), I’m generally more focused. I have been accused of being a “junkie”, a manipulator so much to the point I my doubts, instincts and pain were invalidated and I no longer believed myself.
I have done a lot of research specifically on pain, addiction, chronic pain, medication. Anything I explain of what I know...is just considered an “excuse” to want to use opioids.. I don’t want to...I don't want to need to depend on anything especially opioids to make life "exist-able". They screw up your brain chemistry. (neurotransmitters/endorphins/serotonin, hydro-cortisol etc) but so does dealing with chronic, untreated pain. What I know about how the chemicals that affects your natural pain, love, stress levels etc (neurotransmitters/endorphins/serotonin, hydro-cortisol etc) medication VS “powering through” pain. Turns out, it's a double edged sword. I'll explain further:
People can also be born with chemical imbalances which also includes different levels of brain chemicals & receptors. This explains why some people handle pain well, and some seem to not be able to handle any pain. Their brain might not be equipped enough. Pain management needs to be individualized from person to person. The government/insurance should not be able tell doctors what conditions are painful enough for medication & how much medication to prescribe. It’s not a “one size fits all”; Every patient has different issues, chemical make ups, and tolerances. This war on opioids is also killing more innocent people through them dying by suicide/seeking out heroin (because doctors won’t/can’t prescribe anymore) than it is saving the criminals from killing people by selling pills. It’s sending people to the criminals to get pills or heroin. If we want dealers off the street or not have people die by suicide because the pain is too great (this is an epidemic right now), we need intervention.
If we want to solve the problem of drug dealers in the streets, or doctor's offices, we need better pain management education for doctors so they don’t abandon their patients but can treat them without jumping to opioids first. If a doctor is suspected, by all means...launch an investigation. At the same time we also need proper free addiction resources & counseling, as well as a lowered stigma for people to be able to seek help (especially if they are having trouble on their own determining if they're a chronic pain patient or have an addiction) without social implications. How do I know? A lot of self reflection but mostly, I realized, when I'm not in pain, or having a low pain day...I don't even think about ways to relieve my pain/taking pills/etc. I'm too busy doing everything I normally can't do.
If we want to solve the problem of drug dealers in the streets, or doctor's offices, we need better pain management education for doctors so they don’t abandon their patients but can treat them without jumping to opioids first. If a doctor is suspected, by all means...launch an investigation. At the same time we also need proper free addiction resources & counseling, as well as a lowered stigma for people to be able to seek help (especially if they are having trouble on their own determining if they're a chronic pain patient or have an addiction) without social implications. How do I know? A lot of self reflection but mostly, I realized, when I'm not in pain, or having a low pain day...I don't even think about ways to relieve my pain/taking pills/etc. I'm too busy doing everything I normally can't do.
Chronic pain patients know heroin would only be a more painful extension of slower and less painful suicide. Innocents are still suffering...but in a way that’s more comfortable for family, friends and doctors (to not be sued) to treat everyone like they're addicted "just to be safe". Or they accuse chronic pain patients of being manipulative & instead abandon them/not believe them/say it’s all in their head. Then if that person loses their battle with chronic pain to heroin or to suicide, the family/doctors/friends take it as confirmation they are an "addict" or "mentally unstable/ill".
Instead of admitting “yep they were backed into a corner and fought for their lives (because that'd be way too hard to live with the fact that they could have helped, and they didn't). People don't die by suicide for being selfish. They do it because their lives and more importantly for the lives they’re affecting around them. People do it because they feel worthless, like a burden, the pain is too much etc. People who can't support themselves because of invisible disabilities, where it's easy to write them off & say it's in their head, and are told by enough people (especially family/"friends") that they're a burden, worthless, that they deserve their pain or that the pain is someway their fault...they believe it because they already feel so damn helpless. I will be making another post soon about the difference between suicidal thoughts/wanting to die VS being actively suicidal, depending on the reaction of this blog. I will gladly go back to my anonymous account where I'm given more support than I am by 90% of the people in my life have given me.
I know the difference between dependence vs addiction. The difference is... completely subjective.
Addiction is a self diagnosed disease and other people cannot tell you you’re an addict. If they aren’t feeling your pain, feelings, thoughts or intentions, which no one else can do except you, they can't diagnose you with addiction. Not doctors, not family, not friends. Chronic pain sufferers can very much appear as an addict to others nowadays, why? Stereotypes. . Of course addicts will know what to say to sound like a chronic pain patient, so how do you know the difference between someone addicted vs dependent? You can’t. Only they can.
Chronic Pain Behavior that looks like addict behavior:
If you’re always in pain...of course you’re always seeking out the medications especially when a doctor isn’t treating you accurately. If you try to communicate to your doctor that what you are taking (that isn't opioids, but still can be abused) isn’t working very effectively (a little, but not enough to be able to handle even light house chores, (and even more so if they are opioids) you risk being cut off from all medication, including being fired as a patient, because they assume you’re seeking medication and can’t risk a possible lawsuit. Doctors nowadays haven’t been trained in any kind of pain management except to throw out opioids, & they won’t/can’t do that, so they know they can’t help you & getting rid of you, is the fastest way to deal with that. No one wants to watch someone suffer, which is why so many people leave.
If someone takes too much/ "over medicates" they are probably dealing themselves with the proper dosage between "working/acceptable" and "wanting to forget your pain all together" I know, I have been there. Then if people see you like this? All bets are off. You are an addict, no question about it. No excuses. You know how people go out and get drunk, sometimes too drunk? They're not automatically alcoholics right? Just needed a load off, and those are people not in pain every single damn day.
Weed? Has completely changed a lot of this around for me. I have made so much progress since I started smoking it regularly and I don't care who knows, I'm not going to be ashamed for something that is less harmful than alcohol, or the wine everyone brags on Facebook about drinking, but if you brag about weed....*gasp*. I qualify in Illinois for medical marijuana. It has cut any pain aides I've used 90%, it has helped me gain more insights about myself and others around me, it has helped me be able to do light housework, sometimes. When everything else aligns and isn't acting up (rare) and then I usually get excited I can actually do things, and OVER do it and I'm completely dead to the world for at least a week.
Weed? Has completely changed a lot of this around for me. I have made so much progress since I started smoking it regularly and I don't care who knows, I'm not going to be ashamed for something that is less harmful than alcohol, or the wine everyone brags on Facebook about drinking, but if you brag about weed....*gasp*. I qualify in Illinois for medical marijuana. It has cut any pain aides I've used 90%, it has helped me gain more insights about myself and others around me, it has helped me be able to do light housework, sometimes. When everything else aligns and isn't acting up (rare) and then I usually get excited I can actually do things, and OVER do it and I'm completely dead to the world for at least a week.
So what can you do if you suspect your friend/family is addicted, but claim they have chronic pain or you think they may be over medicating?
All you can do is trust & support them. If you choose to instead abandon your friend or family, that's on you...it's not on the family/friend in need. Addiction again is a self diagnosed disease. This is something they need to figure out on their own and they WILL. It's going to take time to figure out their own boundaries with pain management and what works for them.
I am writing this because through my support groups, I am not close to the only person that this has happened to. Many people lose friends and family over invisible chronic illnesses, even visible ones. I’m finally starting to have the confidence to trust what my instincts & my body are telling me. I'm going to try not to put it on myself anymore to educate those that don't even take the time to read & listen to the articles or me, when I am begging them to just hear me. I need to survive this journey and get better, accept my illnesses & find treatments that work for me, Then I can have the strength and capability to be there for others, in the capacity they need, even when they can't be there for me.
I'd like to do for someone else what was done for me in my cycle of hopelessness. If someone isn't able to give me support back, that's okay. I just can't keep getting hurt and being set back emotionally over people whose actions don't line up with their words. It is alarming that the more I learn about gas lighting, the more clear it has become I have put all my self worth into certain people's opinions of me. I obviously need to create my own self worth, in order to gain it, I need to be selfish, I need to make sure I'm taking care of myself first. There are definitely changes afoot, especially when I look where I was just last year. I want to learn about gas-lighting so I can stop the cycle if I can stop instantly if I notice myself doing it to others and I can spot it quicker and exit the conversation. I am excited and nervous about what life & God has in store from me, but I have had so many revelations lately, a lot of them, very, very hurtful... but necessary.
I'd like to do for someone else what was done for me in my cycle of hopelessness. If someone isn't able to give me support back, that's okay. I just can't keep getting hurt and being set back emotionally over people whose actions don't line up with their words. It is alarming that the more I learn about gas lighting, the more clear it has become I have put all my self worth into certain people's opinions of me. I obviously need to create my own self worth, in order to gain it, I need to be selfish, I need to make sure I'm taking care of myself first. There are definitely changes afoot, especially when I look where I was just last year. I want to learn about gas-lighting so I can stop the cycle if I can stop instantly if I notice myself doing it to others and I can spot it quicker and exit the conversation. I am excited and nervous about what life & God has in store from me, but I have had so many revelations lately, a lot of them, very, very hurtful... but necessary.
I am not saying every single day isn’t still going to be a brutal and painful fight, mentally & physically. I’m saying I need to focus on convincing the people I need to, to get better and those are my doctors. I can’t keep fighting to convince others, because in the end, who else do we have to depend on but ourselves? I need to be strong enough to be able to depend on myself, get the help I need & not worry about others' judgments and opinions because those are what have prevented me from getting the real help I need, for so...so long. I am starting the process to demand medical answers I need which is incredibly scary...and difficult with Medicaid doctors & insurance, but I need to know what I am up against, or what I'm not up against so I can focus on what the problems are, not what others think they are. I have symptoms for many things, some can be officially tested for, some cannot be (yet). I am starting right after the New Year (I have to wait because my insurance changes over--just another crappy Medicaid), to make appointments. I'm still waiting on my new insurance information and praying the doctors I have found that are helping, are still covered.
Another Note: I (and every other patient with chronic issues) have researched, tried numerous natural ways, spent thousands of dollars the past 10 years trying to reduce pain naturally with supplements/holistic & chiropractors—all different methods—referred by family/friends who “swear by it” (whatever “it” is). There is no money back guarantee after you try it and it doesn’t work. Which is why I have to do a lot of research before I try things now.
If I disregard another person’s “suggestion” & why I hate suggestions is because:
A) I’ve been thinking about this/researching for years, what you think up of in the time you’ve thought about it (usually 5 minutes) I have already thought of/researched through online & support groups/already tried. Especially if you don’t struggle the same way like I have, what works for you most likely won't work for me. I don’t have the money to try all these different types of things. Supplements can affect medications I am already on, making it risky.
B) If I say I tried it & it didn’t work/that I've researched and there is "no scientific evidence"/people in support groups had no change...I come off as "being negative and not willing to try".
C) Sometimes the suggestions are so simple, that obviously I would have tried it, and am a little insulted by people suggesting I haven't (though I know their intentions are simply just trying to help me because people feel helpless when someone is suffering from incurable conditions). But that's what a lot of mine are...incurable. I have accepted it, and am trying to learn to live within my limitations and I need others accept that, too.
I have to be smart about what I spend my money on to try now. I understand these people are just trying to help, and coming from a good place, and "any little amount of money is worth no more pain" which is true, but all these "little amounts of money" has, like I said, come out to thousands. I understand people feel helpless with chronic conditions, and just want to help...which is why I'm trying to explain why it's not always helpful.
So here I am, writing this, explaining hopefully one last time to friends and family that "don't get it", so I can simply direct people to this blog from now on, instead of constantly exhausting my energy trying to get people to understand/validate me only to be hurt by the judgement & accusations in return. I need to focus on me, not people's opinions of me. If you hurt me, and I back away...I am sorry, I am doing what I need to do right now. However, reaching out and apologizing, or offering to "be here" (showing it, not just saying it) will go a long way. I am willing to send articles to people who inquire, and want to know what life is really like for me. I am willing to help you understand how to best support me.
I understand not everyone is capable because they have their own issues to deal with/are way too busy/not trying to be hurtful. It's actually so simple though, if you're reading this to gain better understanding, and really listening to the words I've taken hours to construct, I can't thank you enough. It means the world to me, and that is a huge step in the right direction. Sometimes people just need to feel heard and supported until they gain the strength to be able to convince & support themselves.
The few people that have been able to do that, have changed my life for the better. They've shown me unconditional love and that I deserve that, whether I can work or not. Whether I feel good enough to participate in social events, or not. I can't be more thankful for that. I wouldn't be here today without them.
