I have been struggling
the past month with some of my chronic pain. I often just tell people about my
migraines and depression because usually those are the issues that overwhelm me
the most. Lately however, it seems like everything is acting up. Before I get
into my ailments, I do want to say that when Dan, Danielle, Lucas & Bonnie
came into town, it was such a great time. Thankfully I just had my depression
& migraine, and was able to handle and socialize for the most part.
On to ailments, I know
a lot of people think I am making things up, but since childhood I've had a lot
of issues (anxiety and migraines as far as I can remember). This is what I deal
with on a daily basis. Some things you may not know exactly what it is, and I
have been diagnosed with all of this... and I think with a brief description
it'll help my loved ones understand a little more. I will give a brief
description. Or if anyone else suffers from similar ailments, I could use
advice and to let you know you're not alone.
Chronic Migraines (no
cure) (typical treatments have failed)
Pain areas: in
the face or neck
Pain types: can be dull
Pain types: can be dull
Headache: can
be acute, frequent, severe, or throbbing
Whole body: dizziness,
lightheadedness, or malaise
Visual: sensitivity
to light, distorted vision, or seeing flashes of light
Gastrointestinal: nausea
or vomiting
Sensory: aura
or sensitivity to sound
Also common: irritability,
nasal congestion, or scalp tenderness
Interstitial Cystitis
(No cure)
Also known as bladder
pain syndrome, a chronic inflammatory condition where muscular layers of
the bladder are broken down (basically bladder ulcers resulting
in constant urgency and pain with other activities because
urine can't leak to other organs, it's very dangerous. The medication was $400
a month. Can't afford it, however it is on the list to qualify for medical
marijuana but the entire process costs about $600 which I also don't have.
PMDD
(Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) (cure is probably surgical menopause)
A condition in which
woman have severe depression, irritability (worse than normal women), tension
and I also get 4 day hormonal migraines as well. This is an allergic reaction to hormones or a hormonal imbalance.
Recurring Major
Depression (no cure) The last two
years has been the worst episode I've had in a long time...and the PMDD makes
it so much worse. Symptoms are: No self worth, persistent low
mood, suicidal thoughts, trouble doing simple tasks, no appetite, my old
hobbies, I have no interest in. This is another case where I've tried
everything within my reach, again, traditional treatments don't help.
Endometriosis
(expensive surgery)
Diagnosed at 15, it is
a painful disorder in which tissue that normally lines your uterus, grows
outside of the uterus causing extreme pain in the ovaries and
cramping even more severe than normal and can also lead to
infertility.
Gastroparesis
A disease of
the muscles that control digestion and moving along food
basically paralyze to the digestion process. This
basically results in food not digesting and I tend to throw up 12 hours
later with food that should have digested 10 hours ago. The stomach isn't
processing it and it has to go somewhere so it comes back up.
IBS w/ Constipation
I also have IBS
w/constipation, of course tension headaches as well and constant back pain. Why
do I have to have all of these ailments? It was such a horrible weekend I just
laid in bed begging God to just put me out of my misery. It was so absolutely beautiful outside
and I totally missed out. One or two of these ailments are overwhelming as
it is but all of them at once?
When I go see the
clinic doctors they don't take any of my issues seriously. I'm "too
young" to be in so much pain. I just want to live my life, feel well
enough get a job, contribute to society, get married, travel, be able to
have children. Start my life....but it's just so damn hard and
the depression just constantly guilt me and shame me, I wish I
didn't have so many issues...
I can't keep going on like this. It's not fair to Russ, to have a partner that is always sick. It's not fair at all. I want us to get our life started, but with all these issues, I can't hold down a job and I so badly am getting baby fever which depresses me even more. I'm 30 and no where ready to be able to carry a child for 9 months, let alone be able to raise one with all these issues. I also worry these issues can be genetic and I never want to pass that down to a child.
I can't keep going on like this. It's not fair to Russ, to have a partner that is always sick. It's not fair at all. I want us to get our life started, but with all these issues, I can't hold down a job and I so badly am getting baby fever which depresses me even more. I'm 30 and no where ready to be able to carry a child for 9 months, let alone be able to raise one with all these issues. I also worry these issues can be genetic and I never want to pass that down to a child.
I know some people
reading this is against Medical Marijuana but I urge you to read a real non
biased article. There are A LOT out there. It's not a gateway drug. If it
is, so is alcohol. Not to mention alcohol has no medicinal benefits. Weed is
much safer than alcohol and pills...and I'm willing to try anything.
Please be open
minded.
Thank you for reading
this those of you that do. Sorry for the bummy entry...I'm just so frustrated
with insurance issues, all these health issues...they're ruining my life and no
one takes me seriously because I'm "too young to have so many issues".
Yeah that's the point/problem...... They think I want attention or am making
up. I just want to get on with my life so much. Find treatments...doctors that
care, not just clinic doctors where it's a different doctor you see every time.
Ok, enough venting. I apologize.
Sincerely,
Jenny
