It's been a while since I've updated, mostly because my last entry was so positive and with depression and anxiety those things tend to fluctuate. I've been going to Celebrate Recovery and it's refreshing however something I deeply struggle with is my self worth/self esteem. I hear about God's undeniable love for all of us, but I have a really hard time feeling worthy. I have such an amazing support system around me however I feel I am always letting them down.I think they love me (I mean they'd HAVE to...to put up with me) however I don't feel it. This is no fault to them, either.I feel the same way about God. I know, you have to love yourself before you can truly feel love from others. I just don't know how to love myself.
On a positive note, physically I've been feeling better *knocks on wood*. I was even able to hang out with a friend that means a lot to me Monday and her daughter. We made some homemade bath bombs and it was nice to get out of the house. Being unemployed can make you a little stir crazy. I am actually looking forward to her maternity leave so I can help her around the house and have some company. Anyone who knows me, knows I love binge watching TV shows, that isn't even keeping me occupied. I can't wait for the weather to get warmer so I can take my dogs to the park for walks, sit outside and read, and try to change things up a bit. I'm the laziest person on earth and I'm getting stir crazy.I'm lazy but company (besides my loving doggies) is nice to have. Low-key company. None of this shopping and going out and about mess! I also need to make more bath bombs but I need metal sheets that aren't just circular which I haven't been able to find anywhere. So if anyone finds some, send me a link/tell me what store I can find them. Thanks :)
Anyway, that's about all that has been going on. Just thought an update was in order. Please pray I get out of this rut soon, I am sorry this is a "woe is me", but I feel a journal should always be honest. If you don't like it..you don't have to read it. If you read it to make fun of me (which I've been told my blog is pathetic from a certain person and that they read it to laugh at it), you have no empathy, life and are just crude. If you read because you truly care. God Bless You. You are an amazing person in my life. Please don't give up on me. I'll get there.
